The Edelweiss - Far From The Pretty White Flower We Know And Love.

It is one of those days. The boss has left for the day. The coffee and large can of V wore off about an hour ago. The rest of your colleagues are purposefully typing away while you stare blankly at the screen. It is a Friday afternoon around 3 30. What do you do? The answer is: look up the world’s ugliest hotels, Day One.

We started local. The Edelweiss Motel in Paihia is pretty damn gross. The bottom of the house looks a lot like my grandparent's house- not refurbished since 1920, with a half painted sunroom, and a half assed attempt at an awning. That would be fine. I could stay in that and hope I was getting a piano sing along and boiled potatoes for lunch. Except, that’s all not all. The top of the motel is entirely different and seems to have been thrown on the top. It is a particularly awful shade of red against stark white with a poo coloured lining. Yes, it is indeed poo coloured. Now, here you are thinking- so the outside is ugly but surely the inside will be cute or retro. Unfortunately, I present you with the new Anti Feng Shui styled room. Two mismatched chairs- straight from the Sallie- placed in front of the door. It is going to be a bitch to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Although maybe a knock to the head would make this room look more pleasant… and if you want to see the television, you’re not going to see it from the sofa bed. In fact, the television is smaller than my alarm clock. I wouldn’t bother. If you’re in unit 3, you’re really lucky. The children get the bunk beds which should belong on an ACC add. The parents are luckier. They get the stars and floral duvet. Unfortunately, there is not enough space to climb into the bed. A little too close for comfort there. I’m sure they won’t be getting into bed after they help their child into the ambulance after falling from the bed onto the chair placed so helpfully under the bed. I hope the distance from the motel to the hospital is a selling point for these families.

Even better- the Edelweiss motel suggests you stay for your honeymoon! Now, there’s a great way to begin marital life.

Photos forthcoming..